Writing on a website that anyone can see is incredibly scary to me. I don’t know who you are or where you are from or how you found this little space on the internet. I am thrilled that you found your way here, and humbled that you are reading these words. This blog started as a space for me to express myself creatively and I enjoyed every aspect of it… for awhile. Eventually the weight of the words overwhelmed me.
One of my blogs in particular become popular in Australia. I had written about an app that one of my favorite influencer/content creators launched and posted a review on it! I posted this as early as possible as I was using it and wanted to share my feelings. All of a sudden, I noticed higher and more consistent traffic to my site! Exciting, right? Yes, but I started thinking more and more about all of the people from all over the word reading my words.
Words that didn’t seem so important when I was writing them in the moment, but that someone else was using to decide if this app was worth it or not for them. So, while it was exciting to see people wanting to read what I had to say, I was subconsciously becoming increasingly critical of what I was writing.
You can argue that is a good thing! Wouldn’t I want to be critical of what I’m writing? Wouldn’t that create a better result?
I essentially stopped writing. I created draft after draft and never posted a thing. Everything I wrote felt like it wouldn’t be good enough, or I’d come up with complex writing projects that were too big and I would get overwhelmed before I even began. The project that was so joy filled became an insurmountable task.
Overcoming the Mental Obstacle
There is nothing harder than trying to push past an obstacle you set for yourself. It is a tiring and emotional thing when it comes down to it. While it could be easy to remove, it seems even more real because the belief lives inside your subconscious. For me, moving past this obstacle of writing something worthy of posting to the world involved a myriad of questions
Who even cares about this? Is this written well? What if someone hates it? Do I even have anything of value to share?
The fear of failure gripped me so tightly, it seemed impossible to overcome. So, nothing ever got published and I fell out of the habit of writing for fun. And I missed it.
Getting Out of a Rut
The piece you are reading is the first piece that I’ve posted after a long hiatus. I popped on about a month ago to produce some content about my journey in Floral Design, but nothing more since then. Prior to that, it was an even longer hiatus. It was from no lack of trying, I would pick up my laptop, plan out ideas, and create drafts. But, when it came to writing things out and posting I just stopped. I couldn’t get past that point.
Here I am deciding to get out of this “rut” by writing exactly how I’m feeling. It is the “realest” and most accurate picture of how I feel about working on this space of the internet. Do I think many people will read this? Not really. I imagine this is one of the blogs that will have low stats and low engagement.
and that’s okay.
I am more than okay with this piece flying under the radar. Because at this very moment, the words are easy and make me feel good. The weight of the words are light and I’m not over analyzing this decision. This piece doesn’t need to usher in fame and money, instead, I am letting it heal the piece of my heart that was overwhelmed.
Maybe You’re Like Me
It’s possible that if you found your way to this piece that you could be feeling this way too. If you are, do not beat yourself up over it. I implore you to just take a moment to know how normal this can be and that it is not a lack of trying on your part. I, personally, believe that a temporary rut like this is much healthier than the massive burnout you could have caused yourself. Imagine pushing through whatever you were feeling and getting more tired and disheartened until all of a sudden you became so overwhelmed that you didn’t feel joy from the task any longer.
I am incredible thankful that I no longer feel the weight of the words. I have reverted back to what this project was for me, a place to express myself and be creative. Instead of focusing so much on what others would think or feel, I focused on what I wanted out of this space.
Ever piece of this particular blog has been helping me form the words for what I was feeling and reminds me of what i’m working back towards again. I may still post affiliate links or content that is more focused on monetization… I want to be honest about that too. Someday, I would love to see this turn into something that provides for me and my family. But, for now, the main focus of my blog will be on the things that bring joy and are easy to write.
Don’t let the weight of the words prevent you from forward movement. Understand that forward movement may take time and baby steps will be necessary. But, don’t take them too soon and continue to get overwhelmed… Instead, focus on whatever it is that brought you to write these words in the first place.